Being bad at something

There's so much as a teacher I could do that I don't do. I am constantly asked to do more by the administration. It's depressing being so terrible at something you don't even like doing. That's the fate of all Teach for America teachers. How could we be good at teaching? We have never done it before. We are figuring it out as we go, just like all new teachers do. The difference is that once we figure it out, we will be leaving. Today, I am depressed. I just don't see the purpose of all this. I can't say, give yourself a break. Because, I am bad at this. It's hard not to be hard on myself when I know I am not doing as good of a job as more experienced teachers. All day long, I am thinking of things that I am doing wrong... things I could do better... that I complain too much, that I didn't say the right thing when Summer got upset... that I didn't teach that lesson well enough because I didn't plan enough ... that my lessons should have been more standards based from the beginning of the year... that I have no control over my students... that I should have spent more time and given them more feedback on their writing.